OVER the last few years, many more educational and therapy centres have sprung up to cater to the needs of special children. It is good to see this healthy development; parents have more choices to pick from.
However, having said that, I hope they provide high quality services and their fees are reasonable. I also hope they provide guidance for parents.
My daughter is now 19 years old and I think I have come a long way. When she was just diagnosed as a slow learner, I remember I was given only two contacts. Apart from that, I wasn’t given any counselling nor any other support.
As I didn’t know better, I assumed that, with therapy, things would improve accordingly and my daughter would “catch up” and be ready for school when the time came. She was diagnosed as being Global Developmental Delayed, which didn’t sound like anything serious, or so I thought. That was my first mistake!
The second mistake was to totally rely on the professionals to handle the situation and to expect them to advise me accordingly.
They were good in what they did; however, they were not able to provide a “comprehensive guide”. I had assumed that therapy alone would address all her issues. I did not think to engage her in other relevant activities which would help her improve. I did not understand the science of cognitive development. I didn’t realise how one small weak spot would have a major impact on other areas of her development.
I tried my best to help her “move up the developmental chart”. That in itself was the right thing to do; however, I did not do the correct things in the proper sequence. Instead of fully concentrating on her speech and fine motor skills, I enrolled her for “early tuition” to prepare her for school. That was the third mistake!
I now realise that was not a good move. I hadn’t helped my daughter build a solid foundation, yet I pushed her to “construct the floors above”. She was still struggling with her fine motor skills, yet she was expected to write.
There I was, forcing her to practise more in order to improve her handwriting! Sure, practice makes perfect, but when your tools are inefficient, no amount of practice is going to do any good!
If I could turn back the clock, I would certainly pay attention to building her foundation skills and allocate more time for play. Now that I know better, I realise that play is a must-have activity. It is through play that a child gets to practise life skills in a fun and non-stressful manner.
In my daughter’s case, I should have brought her to the playground more often, played more board games and sent her for arts and crafts classes.
When she was in kindergarten, her teachers were patient and more lenient with her. And perhaps it was also because the teachers did not set a high benchmark for her that I thought she was doing as well as she could.
The true test came when she entered formal schooling. It was obvious that she couldn’t cope with the demands of school. The first three months were a real nightmare for me (and I am sure, for her, too).
In the first school, she was clearly lost in the sea of 45 classmates. So, I transferred her to a new school with around 20 students. There, she stood out like a sore thumb and soon, I was told she needed to go to a special class (at another school). I refused that option and began searching for a third school.
When I found a private school willing to help her, I thought it would be a happy ending. It was not, as she wasn’t able to cope and started having behavioural issues.
I was desperate, and certainly very near to a nervous breakdown when a friend suggested a home-school centre. Thank God the final option was a success, otherwise I would be the one needing professional help!
Looking back, it was truly a blessing in disguise that the regular schools didn’t work out for her. Although aged seven, I think her developmental level was that of a five year old, thus, she was clearly not ready for school.
Being in a home-school centre allowed her the opportunity to progress at her own pace (and never compared with her peers). By then, many mistakes were made but there was no time to cry over spilled milk.
I decided to take a few steps back and work on rebuilding her foundation. Her schoolwork became secondary; I spent more time helping her improve her social and communication skills. By then, thankfully, her fine motor skills were much improved and she was able to function rather independently.
Time has certainly flown by. The last decade has been spent helping my daughter cope with the different phases in her life. She is still behind in many areas and I suspect she will not “catch up”.
However, I remain positive that every new day is a day to learn something new, a fresh beginning for me as her mother/teacher/friend and for her, too. Oh! How I wish I had a mentor …. – ANNA WONG
Parents who have questions about learning disabilities and how to detect them can contact Anna Wong at annawong@senses-at-play.com.
http://thotsntots.com/mistakes-made-in-raising-a-special-child/
